header

header

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I cried today, as I hugged a 30 year old widow. Her
husband...strong, healthy, and athletic....dropped dead
from a heart attack a few days ago. She's left with
three young kids and a broken heart.
♥♥♥
I got to thinking later today, that even though I had
sobbed uncontrollably while driving home, that by evening
I was pretty much back to my normal self and
settled back into my routine. Isn't that how it usually is
when we grieve for others? It isn't that our sorrow isn't
genuine, but it's short-lived compared to theirs.
Today I was at the peak of my grieving while
she hasn't even really begun. She is still in a
stunned whirlwind...in shock...with the loss still
to become real in the weeks and months to come.
We all know some one who lost a loved one in
the past year. And while we have most likely
moved on, they are still hurting. Wouldn't it be
kind of us to contact them and remind them of
our love and concern!

42 comments:

  1. Oh Betsy, I searched for a card today to send a friend who lost his wife very unexpectedly and it was a difficult decision. I couldn't send the ones that say, You'll survive; Everything for a reason; Light at the end of ........they just didn't fit. I finally picked one but I agree with you, they are suffering and will be for days, months and years. You are right, we need to constantly remind them that we are here and care every day of their lives.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How incredibly sad. I am also at a loss for words but as you reminded me there are many reasons to reach out to someone today...take care.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for this reminder.... I am going to send a card out to someone I know is hurting.

    P.S. I am so sorry about your friend

    ReplyDelete
  4. nanny ~ some of those cards are so corny! I've been known to buy a blank one and write my own words inside! I'm sure your friend will appreciate your kind gesture!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Betsy, you've said it so well.

    It isn't that we don't care, but it's easy to get on with our own lives.

    Thanks for the reminder that their grief goes on and on, through so many phases of healing.

    I will keep your friend and her children and family in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is sad Betsy,but you know I can speek from experience...its sometimes best to keep a distance during this time.Even though we, ourselves,think it would be a good thing.it can be overwhelming at this time,maybe even making things a bit worse.My husband died young not that young but he was young,8 yrs ago.I really didnt want to be bothered and smothered by caring people.


    Its actually a shock for her now,she will need time to feel things for herself,like fear,loss, etc.its rough but you know sometimes we come out of the roughest things much stronger.

    Love the new banner Betsy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is very sad, for the widow and their children. There are steps in the grieving process and I'm sure she is still in the state where it all doesn't seem real yet. I hope she has a good support system and she is good that she has a friend who cares so much.

    ReplyDelete
  8. great thought betsy...so sorry to hear about your friend...so young..

    ReplyDelete
  9. My biggest fear in life. Hands down. I'm glad you were there to hug her.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Becky ~ thanks so much for your thoughts. Today was the viewing/funeral so I think a hug and condolences were appropriate through the receiving line. I do agree not to smother...which is why I said to remember them later throughout the year.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Betsy,
    On the way home from our wonderful trip to Florida this afternoon, a man suffered a heart attack on our plane. I too, have thought about that family... that for a while we were all part of their tragedy. Now I'm home, calling family, editing photos, checking my blog, and doing laundry. I will remember to pray for them tonight...your post was a good reminder. I'm sorry for your loss too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautiful post. I can't imagine. Being 33 I felt this.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anita ~ well, you can't beat prayers, can you! :) Glad you had a fun trip! I fly out the 31st!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Beautifully expressed Betsy. My heart goes out to your friend.
    Hugs,
    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  15. How sad, but how appropriate your words. I often think of this when people lose loved ones. I think it's because it's much the same with military spouses...when husbands (or wives) deploy, there is the initial overwhelming attention and concern, but often after a little bit it is forgotten, and that is when it is needed most. I'm glad that you shared your thoughts so that many could read and hopefully reach out to someone (including me!).

    ReplyDelete
  16. It’s difficult to communicate to others about loss because I face my own mortality and loss (past or future). The loss may be from something other than death, but the grief is always real. Sometimes I felt as though I was dying a little every day. My heart goes out to those who hurt, even when I don’t know them. By the same token, I have been given the gift of celebration through the events of strangers. Is that why we are able to connect on a fundamental level via the internet? The person behind the words is a real human being with feelings. I am getting too deep, but I think some of you may know what I mean. Thanks Betsy.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You have the BIGGEST heart for her broken heart! Good friends are what we all need and find real comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  18. the only thing I fear more than losing my husband is losing one of my children. I don't know how I'd cope. But, women - as a rule - are strong and wonderful. And many of us have wonderful friends like you that are there to share our grief, even if only for a short time.
    I'm sure she appreciates all you did for her, even if it was only a hug and a tear.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank you Betsy for the reminder. You are so wise.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Betsy my heart aches for this young family...so tragic.
    They will be in my prayers tonight.
    I have posted a video this evening I hope it brings you some comfort, in the loss of your friend.
    Hugs,
    Jo

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh that poor girl. How sad to lose the one you love so soon. You are so right that we should remember to keep on offering love and comfort to those who have had such a loss.

    ReplyDelete
  22. that is such a nice sentiment at the end Betsy, and how very true.

    That poor, poor woman and their children. I am so sorry. Showing you care can mean the world of difference in the midst of one's own hurt or loss. you did the right thing going and i'm sure will check in on her and help when/if asked

    ReplyDelete
  23. Blank card often do work best.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Beautiful thoughts about a true, sad fact of life.
    Lovely post Betsy, one of your best ones.
    xo
    Zuzana

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh! I feel that young widow's pain, differently. I was only 6 and my brother 2, when my father died at 32. My mom was 28. It took me about 20 years to get over it. I still cry about him, and I'm 46 years old. My mother became bitter, and so did my brother.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ugh...so sad. You are so right though...we feel the grief but then move on...while THEY are left to face a future of uncertainty. To be so very young and have such young children, there is NO preparation.

    Excellent reminder.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Mary'sMom ~ Thanks for sharing your story, too! I always say "you can become bitter, or better." I'm glad you've chosen 'better' :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. It's so incredibly sad and unfair. Your blog post is so moving, and so true. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  29. Betsy
    So sorry to hear this. My thoughts go not only to the mom who will now become a 24/7 mom and dad, but to the children. One might think that kids are resilient in this situation, but it truly changes life for them forever.
    I hope you are feeling better today, and my heart goes out to the family.
    Thanks for your beautiful suggestion/extension of love.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  30. I write this with a heavy heart, I am sorry to hear about your dear friend. It's a terrible loss and your post does remind us to reach out and be there for those in time of need and forever how long it takes.

    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  31. There has been so much loss and sadness lately. Two of my son's friends died this past week. One was a man who had a blood clot; he left a wife and a 4 yr. old daughter. The other was a 31 yr. old woman who died in childbirth - she leaves 5 yr old twins, a 2 1/2 yr old and a newborn for her husband to care for. It is hard to know the right things to do and say. Prayer is always good - both prayer for their strength and comfort, and prayer so I'll know what to do and say!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Rosezilla ~ I'm so very sorry to hear about your son's friends...both young! That mom who died in childbirth..that is just heartbreaking.

    ReplyDelete
  33. So sorry, Betsy. It's very hard --especially when it is sudden and when they are SO young.

    Life gives us NO guarantees---so you are right. Hug and care for the ones your LOVE NOW!!!

    Hugs,
    Betsy

    ReplyDelete
  34. You have reminded all of us, in the gentlest of ways, that it only takes a few minutes of our time to comfort someone in pain. Thank you ....

    ReplyDelete
  35. you are a dear friend and a wise lady Betsy...grief at all stages is so painful ..blessings

    ReplyDelete
  36. unreal...at 30? it's hard to know what to do or say and one thing i believe *LIFE* forces us to start walking and moving again after tragedy so we don't get stuck in a moment of time and never come out.

    it seems heartless and cold at the time, but it's necessary and for our own good.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ah Betsy, so often you manage to come up with more wisdom than half a dozen books.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Yes, this is true. You touch a subject I think about from time to time. I have many friends who've lost loved ones now and I try to stay in close contact although I must admit, my grief lessens and I doubt theirs does. It probably just takes a different tack.

    ReplyDelete
  39. That's just a shame for the family. You just never know. I think your heart and your wisdom will let you know when and how to reach out to them.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thank you for the reminder, Betsy. I'll be making that phone call.

    ReplyDelete
  41. So sorry for your friend. You're absolutely right, of course, and people so often forget that the bereaved can grieve for years. After the first few months, it often seems they're expected to be 'OK'. And they're not.

    ReplyDelete

I'm serving coffee! Stay and chat!
And no awards, please! Your comments are my awards!