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Thursday, February 13, 2014

We Need To Talk...

 The Mister hates it when I start out a conversation like that.  :)

Last evening I had a comment about the Random Acts of Kindness 
Adventure.  The point was that some people might think doing
kind deeds and posting about them is in poor taste and could
be seen as bragging.  Kindnesses should be done, but never
publicly talked about.  She gave an example of a wealthy friend
who gives a lot of money to charity and would be upset if
that fact were made public.  She also pointed out that
the kindness adventure could be misunderstood
 as trying to make a deal with God and improving
your chance of getting into heaven by doing good things.

Then I received an email from someone who read her comment
and agreed with her, giving me these two quotes....

"Do what ever you can
when ever you can
where ever you can 
 for who ever you can
and expect no reward"

"Thou shalt not brag unto others what thou doest
lest they scoff and say unto thee: Big Head".

Both people, who do not live in the USA, said the
Pay-It-Forward and Random Acts of Kindness is an
American thing and both would be considered in poor
taste and bad etiquette to talk about kind things you 
have done for others.  

If two of my readers could have felt this way,
I imagine there might be even more who remained silent.
So let me just share a few thoughts I have on that subject...

  • I think we are talking about two different things here.  One is an organized effort to spread kindness and coming here on Fridays to share and inspire each other.  The other, would be in poor taste, telling how much money you gave a charity, how much you put in the offering plate at church ...most money subjects like that are off limits, just like you shouldn't tell how much money you make, what you paid for your car, etc.  
  • Nobody is expecting any kind of reward.  Just the blessing of giving.
  • I have never gotten the feeling while investigating how to do this adventure on blogs or on facebook, or even here with participants, that we were prideful in the little things we did.  Honestly, giving a handful of chocolates to the mail man is hardly worth bragging about, in my opinion.  I think it's all in the motive and our attitude.  And I think we are to share what we do~
"Let us consider how we may spur one another
on to love and good deeds."  Hebrews 10:24
  • I do not believe that doing good things gets you to heaven.  We do good deeds because we are Christians...not to become Christians.
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to
do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:10
  • If we only did good things in secret, how would our children and others learn from our example? Jesus certainly did many good things publicly and we are to imitate him, right?  And I believe we are supposed to shine love as a light all around us.  
"No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be
hidden, or under a bowl.  Instead, they put it on it's stand,
so that those who come in may see the light...in the same
way, let your light shine before others, that they may see
your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Luke 11:33, Matthew 5:16.

 I also wanted to let my two friends know that 
Pay It Forward and Random Acts of Kindness are
alive and well in Europe! Just do a google search
for "random acts of kindness in europe" or "pay it
forward in europe" and you'll see what I mean.

 And the most interesting thing of all is that the
 Pay If Forward with a cup of coffee originated
in Naples, Italy over 100 years ago!
It's not American in origin!  
 
"When a person who had a break of good luck
 entered a cafe and ordered a cup of coffee, 
he didn't pay just for one, but for two cups, 
allowing someone less fortunate who 
entered later to have a cup of coffee for free.
It's an elegant way to show generosity: 
an act of charity in which donors and
 recipients never meet each other, 
the donor doesn't show off and the
 recipient doesn't have to show gratitude."


 I hope that at least explains a little better my motives
and intentions in doing this adventure.
It never occurred to me that someone could think
sharing and inspiring each other to spread more
kindness could be seen as prideful.
So, I apologize if you felt that way.

Let's just 'spur one another on to love and
 good deeds' like we're supposed to!  And you
can't do that if you don't share and talk about it!

If you read all this, thanks for your time. :)
I promise a photo and minimal chatting next post!

Now, I'm off to make dinner and enjoy the big kids
as they come over this evening and visit!








75 comments:

  1. Well said friend. WELL SAID. It is PURE inspiration for me to LOOK for the opportunity to spread a little kindness. My sweet husband says at least three times a week...."If you think it...and it is GOOD...do it."
    THAT is what you are doing here!
    CARRY ON!

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    1. Oh, I love what your hubby says....love it! You know, one of the first acts of kindness I read about was years ago on your blog! You chatted with a sad looking older lady in a check out line. She was buying of all things, a wreath to lay on her husband's grave and you happened to notice and had a coupon for it in your purse and gave it to her. Remember that? I LOVED that story and have struck up conversations with people in check out lines ever since. Before, I would have just minded my own business. :)

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    2. OH I REMEMBER the lady SO well...but had forgotten in recent years!

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  2. I agree with you, Betsy. It can be a testimony of Gods goodness to us with us in turn 'paying it forward'. You're doing a good thing by inspiring others in this way, keep it up!! :)

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    1. yes, that's exactly what I want it to be! :)

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  3. First of all, let me say that I'm feeling badly that you had to write this post. I think an organized way of spreading kindness and sharing experiences is a good thing indeed. I'm a Brit and I have seen Pay It Forward done here so maybe your friends are living under a rock. Oh, I jest! (smiling) I have never thought of it as an American only idea.

    I'm wondering if there might be a false humility in saying one can do good things but never speak about them. Bloody hell, if all we heard about was the cruelness of the world, what a sad lot we would all be in.

    We need examples of good deeds! Now carry on as you were, milady and don't worry your pretty little head about this any longer.

    I shall return on Friday with my kind deed to share! Not as funny as the muddy slog, but fun nonetheless!

    Vincent. xo

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    1. Thanks, Vince. :) You do make me smile. I'm glad you're participating. If we were giving rewards (haha) you would have gotten one for the funniest act of kindness. :)

      I just assumed Pay if Forward was done in other countries. I did not know, however that it was over 100 years old! I thought it was new in recent years, so that was a fun bit of information to discover today!

      I also want to say that these two bloggers really are my friends. I respect both of their opinions and they weren't mean spirited at all in bringing up their concerns. And I'm glad they did, really, since I'm sure others might have felt the same way. I'd rather get it all out in the open and explain better what my intentions were with this adventure.

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    2. Yes, I do agree with you. It has been a worthwhile discussion! I'm glad they are your friends, too, and not a random anonymous commentor without a name.

      I did read the article about Naples and the pay it forward at the cafes 100 years ago. Quite interesting and I'm glad you included that. I wonder why we all think it was an American tradition and a fairly recent one? I like you, assumed that, too.

      And as for Amy, I want to know where you are meeting and when you feel comfortable to bring cake, I shall appear. Maybe Eddie B can join in, too. We shall rave about the cake and your act of kindness in bringing it along. That should shut up anyone who looks down on such deeds! (smiling)

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    3. But you guys will get to eat Amy's yummy cake and I won't! No fair! ha.

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  4. Betsy ~ What a wonderful explanation of what we are doing in our RAK or Paying it Forward Adventure. I was so surprised that someone would think it in bad taste. In fact, when people commented on my blog how nice I was... I tried to answer back...any goodness or praise goes right back to the Lord...that's who we are trying to please. I remember the verse "If you do this to one of the least of my brethren, you do it to Me" Jesus said that so we do it to honor HIM. Thanks again Betsy, and for taking being so sweet in your explanations to the critics.

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    1. Yes, I love that verse. :) In writing this up, I also thought of the verse that If you know to do good and don't do it, it's a sin. Whoa. We never seen to remember that one. ha.

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  5. Your random acts of kindness inspire me to look for ways to share. Keep it up - and thanks much for nudging me to do likewise.

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  6. I think you (and the others who've shared) are doing something admirable. I don't feel that sharing these acts after the fact is a prideful thing. And if sharing inspires others, that's a great thing, too.

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    1. Well, I hope it inspires other people. I know I sure was inspired checking out all the sites online when getting ready to do this.

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  7. you know...sharing our stories inspires others...i dont think it is bragging unless you are taking pride in it...and only you can know your heart in that...personally, i dont believe you are bragging...in a sense i understand where the commentors are coming from in that there are plenty of people out there that love to tout their good deeds...again, i dont think this is you....

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    1. Right...I totally agree! And I could see where they were coming from. It really does boil down to your intentions....and I hope people know me by now that they can see what I'm trying to do.

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  8. I am surprised that you were put in the position of having to write this post . . . . . and I am very glad you did because random acts of kindness, and folk highlighting some of their efforts to do this, should be inspirational to others. If we don't say anything this is not possible. The objections made which you highlighted are certainly not American inspired, or anywhere else for that matter - they are universal amongst people who simply do not understand that acts of kindness should be spoken about to inspire others to do similar deeds to promote kindness, goodness, Christianity and the gospel. They most certainly do so.
    I have found that those people objecting and saying things like, "Oh you only did that to earn a few brownie points so you can buy a ticket to Heaven for yourself". God is not fooled by any of this! He knows what is written on people's hearts and their motives. It is up to Him to judge and not US.

    Salvation is by GRACE and not by WORKS - grace if given freely to everyone if only they will accept it - we do not deserve it, we cannot earn it. If it were not so then Jesus would not have had to come here and die for ALL our sins because we could 'make it by ourselves'. There is NOTHING we alone can do to earn a place in Heaven because all OUR works are as filthy rags to Him.
    Having said that we ARE encouraged to do good works and to spread the gospel and to make life better for humanity to the best of our ability.

    Keep up the good work Betsy!

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    1. Eddie Bluelights this is a great response. Just God's plan for our salvation right
      from His Word.

      Joy

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    2. Exactly. That's what I mean when I said good deeds don't make us a Christian...we do good deeds because we are Christians. And one of the main reasons we're on this earth is to do good things for others. I think we forget that sometimes! That's why I have that verse on my sidebar.

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    3. Yes I see it. Ephesians 2:10
      . . . . . and very true.

      You have some great comments here and a lot of support.
      You put in a lot of work on your post and you must have been very moved to do it,

      Tonight is a bit like a debating society except broadly speaking we all seem in agreement.

      James said, "Faith without good works is dead", which at first sight seems to adopt the alternative viewpoint but to me this says a truly born again person will as a matter of course want to do good works and therefore this supports also salvation by grace and not works, even though it is natural for a believer to want to do (and do) good works, but not for any personal gain.

      Well it's way passed my bedtime.
      Hope you enjoyed your visit by the big kids.

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    4. Well, I was! I want this RAK thing to be seen for it's true intentions, that's for sure. And I totally agree with you about the works thing. "for by grace are you saved through faith...not of works, so nobody can boast" And yet works is the sign that you are a believer....

      Anyway...I just wanted to motivate people to spread a little sunshine and meet back here to share and inspire each other. I hope we can fill out the rest of the month doing just that!

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  9. If you didn't share all kinds of things going on in your life what would you blog about? I have followed you enough to see what a special person you are. I don't doubt your motive here one bit. I consider myself lucky to have met you, at least here online. You inspire me, make me smile and just seem like a darned good woman with a big heart. Keep doing what you do. It is good.
    Taria

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    1. oh, you are so sweet. :) Thanks so much for that encouragement. I do plan on keeping on!

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  10. On a lighter note:
    Gosh! I imagine you saying, "We have to talk!!"
    I imaging the Mister thinking, "UH! UH! What have I done now??"

    "Yes, my dear!"
    ROFL


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    1. haha...oh yes! I don't think he cares for that opening line too much! lol....

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    2. Does He ever say,
      "Betsy, we need to talk!"
      . . . . . and do you respond,
      "Bring it on . . . . . "
      lol

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    3. silly....haha...no, not in those exact words. :) But my attitude you captured there pretty well!

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  11. Bravo!! Loved your response. And I agree 100%.... if you're counting (which I'm sure you're not). :)

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    1. haha..no, not counting at all....but your comment means a lot coming from you, so thanks, Don. :)

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  12. And here I thought we were just playing another fun game.
    Love the verse.
    "Let us consider how we may spur one another
    on to love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24
    I'm ready for this week's edition.
    :0)

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    1. PS. I know it's really so much more than "just a game". It's what we are called to do, to love others without question. It's Christ in action, or Jesus with "skin on" as my sister used to say.
      Thank you for the inspiration to think a little harder and to do those good works with more purpose.

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    2. Well, I know what you mean....it was all supposed to be fun and not turn serious. I have to admit I had a few tears last night...I didn't want to be misunderstood...and yet wanted to answer in the right way. I can see how it might seem boastful until you join in and catch the fever. And I hope that's what happens. Spreading kindness should be fun and it should overflow out of us so we couldn't possibly hold it all in and keep it a secret anyway. :)

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  13. oh Dear I said you don't worry but I understand you. Is more simple!.
    Im agree with you and you know what I think:)
    Always is nice put some light in others life and in ours too:)
    Im agree:)))))

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  14. I want to add that although I could not add something special this FRIDAY always enjoy reading the testimonies and that is a joy.
    Thanks so much betsy:)))

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    1. they really are fun to read, I think! They make me smile!

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  15. Well said! I would that your earring being returned might if been some of your random kindnesses coming back
    :)

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    1. Ha! Oh, I love that! You could just be right there....how very cool is that!?!

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  16. Phooey on them......carry on!
    Cheers!
    Linda:o)

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  17. Woweee
    Look at the blabber from thee
    Rant on I say
    So fun to do at ones bay
    Geez first whining about time
    And now thinking this is a crime
    Maybe a whiner or two
    Just likes to comment at your zoo
    And almost spit my water with the God remark
    One can do good, brag and bark
    But if he is all powerful and such
    Don't you think he'll see through that much?
    Only thing the cat ever brags about is being ahead in posts
    Or as the number of books go up he boasts
    But bragging about this you say?
    Only one who donates and is looking for a tax break would do that at their bay
    Or one with their head up their you know
    Maybe you hit a nerve at your show
    With all showing what they did
    The whiners flipped their lid
    As now more are doing things out and about
    And they can't do something, be the only one and brag and shout
    Whine whine whine
    Don't like it go clean the litterbox of a feline
    And last but not least
    From the rhyming beast
    For those who whine and have no clue
    Whoopdi friggin doo to you

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    1. I see blabbering on is contagious
      as you become gregarious!
      It all comes down to motives
      and what you're really made of.
      Hope people know me by now
      that just being kind is how
      I like to roll...
      not even keeping a toll.
      :)

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  18. Betsy...you explained your purpose very well. So sad that you had to. Ironically, my husband mentioned a person in a car in front of him at a Starbucks drive-thru paying for his coffee. I told him that this was a Random Act of Kindness. He had never heard of it. "I'll have to start doing that!" And I believe he will, he is the most kind and generous man I know. Yes, we need to lead by example.

    XO,
    Jane

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    1. Oh, I love that he got to experience that. I has to be kind of shocking and a very exciting surprise! I bet he will in turn pay it forward. How fun!

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  19. I think it's strange that anyone could misunderstand so completely. They should win an award for that! ;)

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    1. Well, they were very kind about it....and it really could have been a cultural thing. Both of them are sweet people and they are my friends!

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    2. True. I read it and it ended up being a nice exchange. I'm glad you had the chance to enlighten readers about your motivations.

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    3. I am, too. Once the post was written, I was glad I did it. I don't want any misunderstandings...and if two people were bold enough to tell me, I'm sure there were others that felt the same. Now that it's all out there plain as day, we can just move on to the fun stuff! ha.

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  20. You explained it well. I don't think my little random acts are anything to brag about and certainly won't help me get into heaven. I am enjoying doing these things and I like seeing others ideas. I agree that reading what others do, encourages me to take part. Maybe I'll have to explain on my blog too, in case others are feeling this way.

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    1. Right...it really isn't in the size of the kindness, but in how it should make the recipient feel. Nothing to brag about for sure. Now that we have all the business done I'm looking forward to getting on with it on Friday!

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  21. So many great comments!!
    And your responses to them!!

    One of my favorite songs is called, Find Your Kindness.
    Let's all do some Random Act of Kindness!!

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    1. Yes, this is a great discussion, isn't it? I'm glad this happened...

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  22. It’s interesting – in the field I used to work in one of the mantras of our customer/patron service person was this: If she received a complaint she said, “If one person feels this way and has called or written us about it, then there are 10 more who feel the same but have not contacted us. Therefore we must address it.” Apparently that is a statistic she had read somewhere and I believe that it has validity.

    So although I don’t think any of us felt you had to explain your intentions, far from it, it’s clear from the response you got from a couple friends that it could possibly be in the thoughts of others. So I am glad you clarified your intentions to them and others that might feel as they did.

    Couple things I would like to say if you can bear with me!

    One is that I admire people who take the time and effort to thoughtfully voice their opinions. Whether or not I hold the same opinion does not matter to me if it is respectfully done. And you have mentioned here several times that these two people are your friends and you value their input.

    Discourse is important and we all know that some blog posts (from any blogger) may be lighthearted one day, serious the next, painful at one point, joyful at another. It’s life. It’s what we share with people. And I love engaging in a good discussion and discovering maybe something that I have not thought about. Someone may not necessarily change my opinion, but they may enlighten me to think of things a little differently, or explore something further.

    For me, your random acts of kindness adventure has gently reminded me that too often we forget that little things matter to someone. When I get a compliment on the street from a total stranger that they like my hair, or my outfit, I positively glow for several hours after and I think, “Wow. They took a few seconds and made my day!” And in remembering that feeling I am so happy to pass it on to someone else.

    It has reminded me that too often we get mired in our own little ruts and we need to break out a bit and offer kindness. Now of course I am sure all of us do that daily in our lives – to an extent. But sometimes we need a little push and I think that is what has been so nice about your February project. And. As an extra bonus. It’s fun!!

    For me it is not necessarily about Christianity. I was brought up in a very loving Christian home and still hold those values very dear and am very familiar with the scriptures. However, I have studied and explored many religions and faiths and I guess I have come to, for me, a more diverse spirituality. Whether Christian or not, at the heart of all faiths is the basic tenet of love thy neighbour as thyself/do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think these random acts bring us closer together and unify us in a world that can often feel isolating.

    I think it’s interesting that this discussion falls on your blog anniversary because I feel it encapsulates who you are. A person who lives life to the fullest, has a strong faith, loves beauty and nature, is wonderfully creative, extends a hand to those in need, finds humour, and shares her life in a very honest way – the hardships and the triumphs.

    Please pardon me for the length of this, but I wanted to weigh in to let you know how I felt and how I value you and your efforts. You are a very special person.

    One of my favourite quotes, that I have to always keep in mind, is from Mahatma Gandhi: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” And I think these wonderful random acts are one of the best ways to realise that change. Thank you for the renewed impetus to do that, Betsy.

    Suzanne xox

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    1. I totally agree with everything you said here, Suz! Giving a compliment...it does wonders when you receive one, doesn't it? And yet it is such a small thing...costs nothing, takes 2 seconds. It's so easy to be self absorbed, busy, or whatever and not look at strangers around us as people with hurts, cares, etc.

      And I also agree that this isn't necessarily a religious thing. People everywhere, in every land, from every walk of life, no matter what they think about others or about God, desire kindness and love.

      That quote is a good one....kind of like How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. haha...not as eloquent, but the same idea of little changes turn into big changes.

      I hadn't thought of this falling on my blog anniversary...what an interesting observation. There are no coincidences! :)

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  23. Having lived in America and England, I can see the ways of doing things in both places. In America people are definitely more up front about doing this sort of thing, they talk about how they go to church, charity work etc. Not because they are looking for praise or rewards from others or god, but because it is part of their lives and it is what they do - they are being nice!! In England people are more reticent and reserved about these things. They don't talk about their feelings to others, would definitely not tell anyone they go to church, and would not mention any good works. Not I think because they thought it boastful or because they were seeking favour with god, but because they just don't do it. It doesn't mean they don't do good works because they do, they just don't talk about it. I am of course generalising about both countries as there are always exceptions to the rule, but this seems to be the general theme in both places to me. I wish that in England people did talk about it more, we are getting better though. In years - centuries! - gone by people tried to buy favour by paying for things like decorations in churches to try and get in favour with god, so perhaps that is where the thing about not talking about it has come from because that became and still is frowned upon. Who knows! Not me. I have to say that I love the RAK idea, but am nervous about it as I don't want to be attacked by someone for doing it. For that reason I have not done anything things week, although I had it in my mind to, but I have felt too nervous to as I was not sure how it would be received and that saddens me. I don't think that either Betsy or the people who contacted her - one of whose comments I have read - meant to be boastful or attacking in any way, both have just been explaining their understanding and approach coming from different viewpoints and physically different places. Last night I was at a meeting/course/lecture and someone was not understanding the point and so I tried to explain to them, and I had my head bitten off, so my RAK was to walk away and get a cup of tea - it was during a group discussion - so you can see why I an reticent, as if trying to help and answer a question gets you into these situations, then who knows how someone would take it if you tried to pay for a coffee for them! Live and let live, and at the end of the day god will judge us, and I cannot see from my simplistic view that he would view doing nice things for others as a bad thing. My understanding has always been that if we seek forgiveness from god it will be given, it is up to us to seek forgiveness though, and the admission of needing it is what counts. Sorry, have to finish there for 10000 reasons. Love to all. xx

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    1. I was looking forward to your comment since you've lived both places. I was curious to know your observations, so thanks for sharing! I guess you won't be explaining things to others during meetings in the near future! ha. I suppose your RAK will have to be truly anonymous...as in the good deed isn't actually done until you have gone your way...like me leaving a card/payment at the salon. In time, maybe things will change. I'm curious how people respond if they receive a kind act anonymously. Are they generally pleased about it or feel awkward in some way?

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    2. I wrote a whole thing and have deleted, I think that if people thought of it they might do a RAK over here, but would not take well to receiving it. I took cakes into work before Christmas and was asked "what are they for", "why". So if people you know are suspicious of a cake, you can draw your own conclusions as to RAK's!! And no, I won't explain anything to people in meetings again - I have another one tonight, I will quiet!! xx

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    3. Well, that is very interesting. To each their own, I suppose. But there are people like that here, too. I have had people question my motives, say I was "too nice", "too sweet", etc. I've lost friendships over it...people just being uncomfortable with someone that gives because they love to.

      Yes, better be quiet in the meeting tonight. And if you bring cake, eat it all yourself. haha....

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    4. I don't know where your last comment went, but it did show up in my email! :)

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    5. My computer has a mind of it's own today!! xx

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  24. Betsy...you just keep being you and doing what you do! You are planting seeds....and you will reap what you sow...not so you can boast, but so you can inspire others to be kind. Kindness and meaness both have ripple affects....I remember returning my shopping cart and asked a lady if she'd like the cart and she snapped my head off. I have never forgotten her nastiness over something so simple. Then one day I went to Aldi's and was in the checkout line after my order was rung up and realized I left my cash sitting on my desk at home and as I told the cashier to void my transaction, she handed me my receipt and told me the gentleman in line behind me paid for my groceries. I have never forgotten his kindness and his thoughtfulness. I cried the whole way home from the store. We need to be aware that any little thing we do (good or bad) does not go unoticed. God bless you and your big heart! Janet

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    1. It is especially harsh when you try to do something kind and get bitten, isn't it? That has happened to me before. Some people are just nasty. How could offering a shopping cart get you such a response, I'll never understand. Last week a man walked by my cart when I was just finished unloading it and asked if he could take it for me. Yes, please! Such a small thing, yet I was grateful...the corral was far away and it was freezing outside, hard to push the thing in the snow.

      I love your story about Aldi's. Wow. An experience you'll never forget. That's really how this is supposed to work...he got a blessing from his kind deed and you were so touched by it that you'll never forget the feeling of kindness without expectation of anything in return. Love it! I just wish we were all brought to tears more often by people doing kind things!

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  25. Oh my...thank you for sharing. "Do for one what you wish you could do for 100." Be the hands and feet of Jesus...that is what you are encouraging us to do!

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    1. I love that quote...it's from Mother Teresa! I was thinking of her while sorting through this whole thing. She was very public about what she was doing and encouraged others to do the same. A perfect example!

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  26. I understand what various people are saying about different countries or continents having a different reaction to random acts of kindness, or different cultural influences coming into play, but I honestly think it depends on the person and the situation. I have lived on and off in the UK and I know many people there who love both doling and out and receiving these acts. I know of others here in Canada who seem to have difficulty with both. All depends.

    I will tell you of a rather funny/odd experience I had a couple years ago – here in Toronto. I was at the theatre one evening, standing in the lobby, and there was a woman dressed to the nines a few feet away from me. She was very stylish. I noticed that the tag on the back of her dress was sticking out. I approached her and gently said, “I see your tag is sticking out, may I tuck it in for you?” As I started to do that, she whirled around and screamed (and I mean screamed) at me, “Stop it! Don’t touch me! I want it left the way it is!” I did not sneak up on her. I let her see me first from the side before I started to fix the tag.

    I was kind of stunned and took a few steps back, mumbling an apology. Her companion did not look concerned one way or the other. Now maybe I was the 15th person that night to point it out, I don’t know, but methinks she could have dealt with it in a much better way.

    Look. If I have spinach in my teeth, toilet paper stuck to my shoe, the back of my dress tucked into my underwear, or a tag sticking out… I want to know! And I almost think it’s an unspoken rule, particularly with women, that we find an appropriate moment to mention it. Her behaviour has not stopped me from offering to help, but I will never forget her!

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    1. Well now!!! That is some story. Maybe she was at Amy's meeting last night. haha. (see above...she got her head bitten off.) Or Maybe she's the lady Janet ran into at the grocery and offered to take her cart. ha. Oh my...those are so perplexing to me. Yes, I would want someone to tell me my tag was sticking out....or if my mascara was running....or anything! I agree with you...we women for the most part look out for each other in ways like this! Maybe she was wearing something with a designer label and wanted everyone to see it. haha. And you approached her so nicely, too....what a shame...but I'm glad you can laugh about it now. It sounds like her companion had grown accustomed to her rude outbursts! I do agree with you that it really is the person and not necessarily what country. I was told once that I was too sunshiney and if I said something about making lemonade out of lemons one more time they were going to scream. And they were related to me! haha.

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  27. I admit that I have issues with people that need to share every good thing they do. Your random acts of kindness are not that, rather they are inspiration, sort of a poke that we all have gifts to give others.

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    1. Well, thanks for saying that. I hope people can tell the difference! And you are SO right...we ALL have gifts to give! And I personally think that it's the little things that mean the most. We just need to put into action what we already know we should do!

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  28. Oh I so agree. There is tons to say on the subject.
    Christians do stuff like this all the time.
    It's not something one talks about because it is a normal part of life but today so many do not believe in God
    and think about only themselves so when they do an act of kindness such a big deal is made about it.
    Gosh. Just think what a lonely harsh world this is to think that one day you will fall down and no one will help you up.
    Or you are hungry and no one will feed you. Or you need a kind word and no one is there to say it to you.
    Or you need someone to say NO and no one cares about you enough to say NO.
    Random acts of kindness are not random It is Gods' way guiding a person to understand the meaning of true love.
    xoxoxo

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    1. There really IS tons to say and we have said tons here, haven't we? haha...this has been really great.
      You make a good point...it is a sad day when others look away rather than help. I think it's already started. The news has featured several stories lately....one of someone hurt and laying on a sidewalk and people just rushing by, minding their own business and nobody stopping to help, some even stepping over the person! Another story showed how someone had a car accident, crashing into a store front and instead of anyone rushing to see if the driver was ok, about a dozen people pulled out their iPhones to video the thing! A fun thing to post on their facebook while someone was in the car injured? Something is wrong here...

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  29. Oops. When I read that you shed tears, dear Betsy, I of course felt resposible for that and terribly bad about your sadness. So I was on the edge of starting to cry myself. But then I imagined you sitting at your desk and me sitting on mine, an ocean and more between us, crying on either side and, forgive me, but I thought, no, I am sorry for your being upset, but otherwise I gained a lot during the last two days.

    Let us see, what we have! We have had passionate and serious discourse, something which is important, as Suza has written today. Many interesting and wise things have been said, personal experiences have been shared, stories were told. I was amazed, how many people took time and effort to express their opinions, share their beliefs. Communication is a most important thing to understand each other and trying to understand each other for me seems to be an essential part of kindness, too. So wasn't that discussion a good thing, too?

    I think, you planned that RAK project to be a kind of fun thing, coming light and easy like sunshine in spring, right? Thus it can and will still be! But in addition, it turned out, that to celebrate your blog anniversary, you also organized a kind of international workshop about various aspects of social and cultural life. Not too bad.

    Some of your readers remarked that different points of view might of course exist, but should be expressed in respectful ways. I totally agree and I do thank you, Betsy, that, even though you obviously felt upset by my original comment on your RAK project, you were sweet and kind towards me as ever.

    What I really want to call in mind again is, that I did NOT criticise you or your attitude, nor did I ever question doing kind things to others! Who on earth would do that?! My only subject was the TALKING about RAK, which I felt uncomfortable about. And I tried to find the origin of that feeling and SPECULATED about possible reasons in my different cultural identity or maybe religious beliefs.But this was trying to analyse, certainly not to jugde. If I'd only known how my reflections would upset you! I am sorry for that and I do apologize for it.
    Christel


    .

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    1. No, no...don't apologize! The tears were a combination of things...and I received an email also, which was not from you, remember? I think a lot of good came from this and I, like you, and touched by how many people took the time to leave, long and thoughtful comments. I know you never said not to do kind things and I hope I made that clear...the topics kind of took a life of their own through all the people involved in the discussion.

      I'm just sorry that I didn't explain things better at the beginning of the adventure so that it more clearly stated my intentions and motives. But it's all good now and I am glad we all got a chance to discuss it! :)

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  30. Hi Betsy - RAOK ... are so important - and give us an opportunity to perhaps realise what else we could be doing .. something else popped into my mind earlier on today - but that's for me ... and I don't advertise the little I do - but I just help, chat, smile and laugh as much as I can where I can ..

    Sadly we can relate to each other's cultures slightly different, and perhaps comment before we think .. but I think what you're doing is a great idea ...

    Bet the Mister was pleased the subject matter was about you and us ... and not him and the boys! Happy Valentine's Day weekend for one and all - Hilary

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